he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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