I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
