drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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