Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
