My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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