i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
