I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You took a bar mat shot.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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