dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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