Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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