i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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