A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
