it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
