I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
