Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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