well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i barfeds in our rink
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
