On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
