1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
