the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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