he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
