well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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