If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
