We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
