the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
