She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
