I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
