And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
