we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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