i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
