Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him