i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am midnight drunk by noon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!