Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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