Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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