It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
