There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Of course I have a pirate flag
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
