but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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