Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
