I just cut my nipple shaving
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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