i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
