you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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