chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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