Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I did not marry a roomba.
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