I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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