I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
