Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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