my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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