I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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