If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
