I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
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You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like