I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.