I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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