Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
