But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight