Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.