do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world