I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs