Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.