Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?