You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
