Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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