Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
