That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
