just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
