There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
