my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
