Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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