Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
