I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
