Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
