no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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