like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
