through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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