If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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