apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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