I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
