Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
